Empty Nesting Made Easy

Dorm rooms, mile long shopping list, tearful goodbyes, and tight hugs is just a glimpse of what many parents will experience in the next few months. With the new school semester creeping upon us, many parents will begin their new journey of entrusting their children to colleges and universities all over the country. This time of life is filled with excitement, joy, and a little fear. I, being a mother of two college graduates can totally understand the emotions that arise when your children go off to school. I was a snotty sobbing mess when my girls made their way down to the college of their choice. It left me feeling incomplete and like something was missing. Coming home to an empty, quiet house, without the constant reminder of two teenage girls presence looming around, was like losing a huge chunk of myself. I'm sure some parents reading this will be able to relate. It certainly makes for a change in life. So what to do when your kids have flown the coop? Many parents travel, downsize, or start a new career, but some need the extra shove to getting back out there. I'm the pusher for you. Let's explore some great tips on how to enjoy the empty nester life and transition back to being you!

Step One: Let Go

Letting go is a hard pill to swallow, especially when it comes to your children. When my girls went off to college I had to learn this lesson very quickly. I was what you call a "helicopter parent". I was involved in my kids everyday life, and was ready to square up to anyone who wanted to defeat them. I made numerous phone calls, talked to teachers, and sometimes didn't know when to let them fall. This however is a key ingredient when sending your kids off to college. It's hard to watch your kids fall, but that's exactly what I had to do. My children had to learn to do life on their own without the protection of Mom all of the time. College was the perfect time for them spread their wings. Of course it left me wanting to protect them, but I learned the beauty of letting them free. Maybe you can relate to this feeling. It is incredibly important during this time to let your kids learn. For example, my daughter Briana had a tough time when she transition to a new school her sophomore year. She struggled with fitting in, finding friends, and getting her school work done. It pained me to see her struggle so much, but I had to, and I'm glad I did. Let downs and defeat can sometimes be key lessons that your child will have to make. So, maybe it's time for you to do the same. Slowly letting go of your grip and letting your kids fall. It's difficult, trust me I know, but it's worth it. Briana began learning on her own what to do, how to live, and how to make it during tough times. By letting go I let her experience her own life and the pains and struggle that come with it. I highly suggest loosening your grip and letting your children make mistakes and get back up again.

Step Two: Find A Hobby

Many parents will tell you that after their kids go away for college they have to find something to occupy their time. This is a great way to get your mind off of what they are doing, and learn what you could be doing. Maybe this is a DIY project you've always wanted to do, or volunteering somewhere you've always made excuses to not actually do. Having the freedom of being a empty nester brings about a world of difference. I truly enjoyed getting into working out on my time. I didn't have to worry about picking up kids from after school programs, or starting dinner on time. It was a great way to refocus back on me and discovering who I was again. Maybe this will be helpful to you. There are tons of resources, youtube videos, and books you can get your hands on to start your new interest. I strongly suggest getting into this idea, and making it stick.

Step Three: Make a dream list

What have you been putting off since you've had children? Was it that dream vacation you never got to take with your spouse, or maybe the solo vacation you'd take with yourself. Now is the time to make a list of what you wanted to do, but couldn't. The world now has opened up, and you are free to do so much more without making arrangements for your kids sake. You can go to that new wine vineyard, or explore the tropics of Aruba. Whatever your dreams are write them down in order from least to greatest. Make a plan on when you would like to accomplish them, and then go for it. You'll be amazed at all the things you might find out about yourself, and you might discover something new.


Step Four: Date Again

I once did a quick session with women at a woman's breakfast about igniting your marriage. Many women came to me stating how grateful they were for these tools that I suggested. So, when becoming empty nesters you might want to discover each other again. After having children it is easy to get wrapped up in their daily needs and activities - and forget your own. That's why my suggestion is to begin dating again, and make it special. Go beyond just grabbing a meal together, instead create an experience. My husband and I love going on trips together and discovering new places. It's important that now that your kids are gone you spend time together. Love on one another, hold hands, date, and reignite the love that you two shared before kids. Even if you're not a empty nester I strongly suggest this. I love to see couples WIN, and I want to encourage you to get your swagger back. So flirt with one another, make sure you experience life again together.


Step Five: Send Care Packages

Nothing is better for a college student then a wonderful care package sent from home. Despite the fact you must let go, it is always important to make your child still feel loved and encourage. So, prepare their favorite dvds, snacks, and send them off. During exam period many schools will send letters home offering a package service parents can send to their kids. This is a great way to still let your babies know you're thinking of them, but also that you are letting them live their life. It's a special treat, and I assure you, the excited and thankful call you will receive from your child makes it all worth it.

My hope is that you will celebrate this new time in your life. Transition is a difficult but constant in all of our lives. I am so excited for you to begin yours! Let me know what you are doing to transition into being a empty nester. Are you going on a big cruise? Taking a new class? Also, share with me what your tips are if you are a seasoned vet in this area. I'd love to hear from you. Have a fabulous week, and I will talk to you soon.

-Patrice